Musings on death, life, god, christ, love, sex and self.

Life is just one revelation after another. Everything we see, everything we are is in conjunction with ever gust of wind that touches our cheek, every sun ray that hits our naked shoulders, every moon beam and star shine that echos in our eyes. The smallest glimmer can change the way the world seems to us.

I am me as you are me as you are he and we are all togather. Only love exhists. 

Love is not a word. It's not an emotion. It's an energy. God is love. Love is god. Only love is real.

When you die. You meet god.

There are two types of death a human can experience. Both equally important. One is inevitable, the other optional. 

The optional one.. is the death of the soul. Followed shortly by the rebirth and the beginning of the real journey in this 3-d world. Some call this an awakening. Some call it an epiphany. An awakening of the spirit. A spiritual awakening.  

When I was pagan. I learned very quickly that pagans worship sex. The great marriage of god and goddess. Of positive and negative. The idea that we are in The idea is that the two humans in the throws of the act reach climax and experience the creative force (god, spirit, source) that lives with in. The french call an orgasm le' petite morte' the little death.

The first death is death of the illusion of duality.. separation.


This first death is optional.. but nessecary. It is nessacry because it allows you to become what you were sent here for. Deus ex machina.  the god machine.

The other death is the one we all know. The one that waits with a grim overtone every day we wake up. Will death visit us today? Will death sup with us at the table or ride with us in our cars. Will death hid in the shadows. This death is something we've been experiencing since the beginning of our exsistance.. still we cannot accept it. Still we pretend that tomarrow there will be time. That tomarrow will always come.

Some of us pretend that our death doesn't matter, some of us attepmt to make it come by our own means. Some of us refuse to live because we fear it. Death smiles at us all. All a person can do is smile back.

But does it really? Is our death of body a test. An idea we came up with so that.. inevitably we will return home? That if all else fails we can at least have that solace. That in there is an end to this.

We become so caught up in the physical aspects of this life. Feeding into them with money and materials skin and bone.  Have we become the unruley teenager who refuses to admit who our parents are.. We steal the money from the wallet when we know all we need to do is ask. this Earth was made to always recieve us, the sky to always support us.

What if death wasn't real. What if death isnt the ONLY way you can know our divinity. What if we learn to die with out decay. What if we never die.


We.. our bodies are composed of positive and negative forces. But within us is that same mingling energy that same oneness. Our bodies are an illusion of duality. Our genders given to us as a symbolic reference of two forces coming togather. It's infinity. Its the fibonacci sequence. It's the golden ratio. It goes on. within and within and within we are vast.

Are we god?  We are god? God is inside us. We search for god in a physical sense. We want to see God. We want to look on him with our eyes. We see nothing so we believe nothing because god is not woven in the tapestry that our souls have created. God is our soul. We questiong the exsistance of our creator because we do not see him while looking outward.

When we begin to look inward.

At self. Who am I. Deus ex machina. Am I nothing more than a shell. Does this world exsist because I do. I am a bit of myself cast into flesh and bone. I am here to learn. I am here to be. I am here to understand. Before I can understand oneness I must first understand duality. I am here to bring my knowledge to this dimension with me.

I mused about Jesus in my journal because after years of fighting the christian religion. I understand Jesus. I know where he was coming from. He was enlighted and made an attempt to help us become enlightened. He used his enlightenment to show us how divine we are. (and what do we do.. massacre it by making it a following)

Jesus sacrificed himself in hopes that his death would enlighten us. By redeeming all of our 'sins' and giving us a 'clean slate'  it would help us to see past the illusion of the physical world and be at ease that what we do is just a mistake with the physical body. It does not harm your soul. Everything before god does not matter because it does not exsist.


Who am I? I am me. I am you. I am everything. I am nothing. Cogito ergo Sum.

I once asked myself who am I. I came up incessantly with whats.. What am I. I'm a girl. I'm a person. I'm a human..

Who am I.

I am.

Every moment is a revelation. Every revelation a pardox. Every pardox a memory. Every memory a fossil burried under the surface of conciousness.

Get digging.

Much love,
Ashley