I've been away from gaia for a while.

My little status has said that my last login is at least once a day, but mentally, spiritually I've been away from gaia for a good long while,

I've made some amazing friends while sailing this beautiful ship with you beautiful souls. Each and everyone of you has contributed to my own growth as a person.

You've given me some sort of understanding of myself and of you. You have let me into your lives.

I wanted to write this blog as a sort of way to let you know that I have NOT forgotton about you all, not forgotton about this amazing community.

It's my belief that there are different cycles a person must go through in their life. A "5 steps forward 3 steps back" sort of deal.

Where great personal growth comes but only for us to be brought back to the reason we needed that personal growth and to face it.

I posted the song above for many reasons. I hope you'll listen.

We all go through our own black holes and revelations. The dark before the light before the dark.

Our black holes aren't always as intimidating and as bad as they sound. It's just unfamiliar territory.. or all to familiar and ready to be understood. A black hole is only a black hole because we cannot see it enough as anything else. The revelation comes at the end.

Through my small (and interestingly enough fun) black hole, I've come to realize that these revelations as small or as epic as they can seem are just another entrance to a black hole.

I remember just a few monthes ago I was so spirtually sound in my beliefs. It's the moment that I was so comfortable.. that the peices began to fall away. I knew they fit but I watched the come apart. I tried to hold them togather.. but then I wondered..

Maybe I'm not supposed to hold them togather. Everytime my mountain crumbles,  it leaves behind in it's ashes the birth of something new.

The birth of something that, even though it is less extravagent as the mountain I climbed, is something that I needed to take with me after that amazing climb to the top. 

It's the hatchling from the ashes of the burning phoenix, the birth of something new and amazing. And when it becomes old and stagnant, it to will become a whirlwind of a black hole, and then the perfect moment of a revelation.

I wanted to thank Andrew. My dear Andrew for unknowingly helping me in my latest revelation. For reminding where I am.. where I stand.

I had spent the night at Chrissy's house and we did our usual wine and movies. Only tonight the wine was aged 10 years and french. We did our best to stay awake but to no avail.

Off to dream land. I had a very eerie interesting dream. Let me weave you the tale.

I was in a mall. Working at a malt shop or something. When there was tell that something was going on. Someone was reaking havoc at the mall. I remember seeing her. She seemed vaguely familiar.

Eyes crazed. Mouth slighly parted and hair wild. She sauntered down the mall. Her hand held an object unknown to me.  For some odd reason only women were at the mall today and they were running, running for their lives. I ran down the middle of the mall, I could feel her gaining on me. Her eyes were on me. She was right behind me. I scurried across the floor.

There was no wet floor sign as I slipped up in some sort of liquid as I walked. I was not water. It was soap. An intentional soapy floor it seemed. I felt her breath on me. I pulled myself up from my fall with all my might. The floor felt like a conveyer belt beneath my feet.

Across the way was a J.C. Penney's.

Lots of hiding places in there, I thought.

I sprinted, my legs feeling like cynder blocks. I made it to the threshold of J.C. Penney's.

The insane woman had found another person to assault as I made my getaway.

There in the store were other woman and girls and some children all of the scampering to find a hiding space. Their faces stricken with terror.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a spiraling stair case. One of the old ones you would see in a victorian house or something.

It seemed odd to me that there would be a staircase like this in J.C. Penney's, but at the top of the staircase was a door. A door that could lock.

I climbed the stairs carefully. Keeping an eye out for this crazy woman. I met the door at the top and opened it.

Inside was a hallway with two doors. One of them slightly open to display a bathroom. The other closed and locked. On the walls there was a small framed painting.

The painting was medeval in style. It had two foxes being pulled up by their tails. In the middle of them a tall tree. The foxes, birds and tree's in perfect symmetry. I stared at it for a second and noticed on the wall next to it was some sort of geometric fingerpainting drawn right on the plaster.

The feeling of the space was eerie. Like a calm after a storm. Like something odd had happened here. Almost as if I had seen this all before. I sensed I wasn't sposed to be in this hallway.

I felt for the door nob and stepped out only to run into an older lady in a white dress. Her attire and composure matching the staircase.

"She's coming," She said. "I have the keys, let's hide in here."

I stared at her, questioningly.

"Well are you coming?"

I followed her back into the hallway.

I stared at the fox painting again as the same overwelming akward feeling came over me.

The old woman went to the locked door and opened it.
Through the door a stone balcony overlooking a grassy hill.

We went out to the balcony and she locked to door behind us.

A familiar pefectly symmetrical tree stood tall. Unlike the picture though the tree had a sidewalk by it. Walking down the side walk were two men. One held a microphone the other a camera. Obviously comming to report the calamity. The camera man walked as leashed by the reporter.
 
They reminded me of a donkey being led by a bird.

She smiled at me and started to say something. I heard a toilet flush in the back ground and a door opened.

Panic began to rise. The woman had heard it too.

"We'd better go."

A metal latter became apparent on the side of the balcany.
She waited for me to make my way down first and the followed.

We began to walk down the grassy hill. I still felt paniced and rushed as if some one was chasing us.

We reached the bottom of the hill. I looked back at the balcony. It seemed miles away.

What I saw spun my head.

There I could see myself and the old lady still standing on the stone balcony talking to each other.

She grabbed my wrist and led me away.

We began to walk down a dirt road. I noticed her pretty blue dress. Or white dress. Her pretty blue dress was dragging the ground. I picked up the train of the dress of the ground.

The wind caught hold of it and it billowed up like a cloud. As I held it I swayed it to and fro. My legs skippy.

We came to walk past a jail. The inmates were out, behind the fence they played a sport I didn't understand. Although spanish in appearence they spoke something else something I couldn't understand.

They waved at the old woman and smiled happily. She waved back.

We came again to pass a house. A red brick house that had a huge garage attached to it.

We paused and the big metal garage door opened up and a man whose upper body took up most of the door space poked his head and arms out. He held a rachet in his hand.

He also waved happily to the old lady.

She smiled and yelled out,

"Hello James"

"Hello, Ma'am" he said politely.

I stared in awe of the giant as we continued to walk.

In the near distance a castle became apparent. A grand castle.

We neared the gates as the fell open. In we walked through a kitchen.

I caught myself in the mirror. My hair short and slightly boyish. My attire very knightly.
As if knights could be girls, they would wear what I was wearing. Dressed in red.

We walked through the kitchen and into a tea room.

The old lady offered me a cup of tea which I took thankfully and sipped.

Hours seemed to go by when I thought to myself, My mother must be worried.

"Thank you so much for helping me but I have to go, my mother will be worried." I said politely.

The old lady smiled sweetly and said,

"Well off you go dear. But I get lonely every now and then. Come back in 1000 hours or I will bring you here for 1000 years."

I nodded. Her threat seemed more desperate for company than an actual threat. But her seriousness as she uttered the words made me wonder for a moment.

On my way out of the castle I saw another garage. Or maybe even an abandoned stable. On a wooden chair sat a doll. With brown eyes, red brown hair and a smile. The face on the doll was my own. She sat starying at me in her fancy red dress much like mine but much more feminine.

I stared at her for a moment then made my way to the waking world.

I'm not sure exactly what this dream ment. If anything I do know... that I woke up wondering. I do know.. it was an interesting trip.

Any ideas?